Creedence Clearwater Revival plays through the speakers attatched with a wire to my PC. Great tune. I have it on repeat. I sit here and wait, and wait. Actually, I'm just wasting time, something I'm pretty good at. It's something I do a lot of these days. My mobile phone sits there idle, just like me, man.

I'm moving faster, gaining momentum, can't turn back now. The brick wall is getting closer. The lines of mortar that seperate the red bricks are coming into focus now. I hope my vehicle doesn't crumple up into a ball and cease to work. I'd much rather prefer to have the brick wall collapse with as little damage to my person as possible, there will be minor scratches along the peripheral edges for sure, but hopefully the meat stays intact. Hopefully it doesn't fry and sizzle like so many pieces of bacon.

I fear failure. I fear beauracracy. Both are big looming objects in China. An expired visa. A light wallet. Few contacts. Anxiety. The fucking anxiety, man. Something has to give. A little nudge here, a tug there and we'll see what happens. Worst case is a flight back to the States. Best case is six months of employment and a stress free relationship with a Han descendant.

While it's true I don't want to leave, I also am a bit weary of all the cultural barriers. Maybe that will change living in a city that is more accostomed to having foreign flesh walking around. It must change. Small town China can only be taken for so long before leaving is the only option. But, small town China is where the reality lay. It's the main course of the meal. Beijing, Shanghai and other cities of international flavor are not accurate representations of China.